Once again SIR / OR MADAM,
Kedian Co has labored endlessly and selflessly since our last communiques - travelled the world over and exploited various indigenous cultures to bring you these Prized Heirlooms. Our agents have battled titans and the Gods themselves to bring you the latest in fashion.
If you thought our last collection advanced the definition of Aisling modernism, you will burst into flames when you see the latest jewels in our crown collection. Our items are carefully made from the broken hands of children laborers, whose corpses are fed to goblins after we exhaust every last fragment of life in their fragile flesh shells.
Now then, onwards and upwards! Who are we to care about the undertrodden! We are, after all, THE MODERN AISLING. We are not to be burdened with such exceptional banality! The world is our private jewel!
Sword of Ealagad
10,000,000,000 coins or 1 Minor Kingdom (2nd class) or Ten Priestesses, at least 3d. circle
It was a dark night in Loures when I found this original blade being sold by a laundry woman. I had been walking all day in search of new products when this old 'dane wench whispered niceties to me from the shadows..."Take the sword of power, master! Take it from these old hands!" Screaming, she fell to the ground, clutching and beating her head. This glowing sword fell from her robes.
The Prize of the Empire can now be yours for what we will argue is a quality price. After all, it is not every day that one may feel the very life force of the Steel Swan entering and comingling with your tainted spark, threatening to consume Temuair itself in unending flames.
Ceannlaidir's War Shorts
2,000,000,000 coins or 12,500 Deoch Calling Stones or 360,000 Fragments of Conix
It is said that every great battle has involved a pair of these jewelled undergarments. Your friends may laugh at you, your wife may leave you, your children may never forgive you - but surely, they will be coming back to your side when you drive your enemies before you and hear the lamentations of their women! Grants the wearer incredible powers of strength and seduction (attempt to reforge the Pantheon itself in your image with the "Glioca Seduction Construction Set" upgrade - SERIOUS INQURIES ONLY).
Aeife's Volume of Stories
Read the most incredible stories in the history of Temuair, written by one of the cutest monks who ever existed in time and space. Amazingly, reading these stories does not gain you insight, increase your strength, quicken your spellcasting, or make hunting any less tedious than it already is.
And so, dear customer, won't you once again read over our catalog, and inquire within for serious pricing and rent to own options?
Lovingly Yours as Always,
Kedian Tassadar Ta'Null
Kedian Co, Ltd, Inc, TpA