"You say this wiz Kedian is one baaaad mutha..."

Kedian wrote this in response to a now-lost board post. I had also decided that it was the very right time to correct Temuair's lack of a truly wretched adaptation of the Shaft theme. In my complete defense: some of this data is almost 20 years old, and you DID obtain it for free.

Hmm. Interesting.

I look forward to receiving your catalog. Do you sell "Voluptuous Priestess Servant" golems? The one I purchased last spring from the Aosdic Magic Golem Company suddenly went insane and started murdering squirrels and obscenely chanting to Nylarlathotep in the middle of my estate yard. Let me tell you, the neighbors were NOT pleased. I had just enough time to close the rift she had opened before....But that's a story for another day, idn't it, guv!

At any rate, I doubt the mundanes will be renewing my "Nice And Quiet Neighbor" status anytime soon. Damn. More property taxes for me next summer, I suppose. I think I'll just have to sell Etienne to the Medenians. I hear they like blonde wizards there.

You know - life just isn't worth living without a sexy priestess to bring you tea and cookies in the afternoons.

And, on that note, I wrote a song for you all. Depending on your interpretation of "Enforcement of Local Standards of Heresy", Volume XI, Section 5, as amended, the following may or may not appear as gibberish.


Who's the Rucesion wizard
that's a sex machine to all the chicks?
You're damn right!

Who is the wiz
That would risk his neck for a warrior man?
Can you dig it?
Who's the wiz that won't cop out
When there's dubhaim all about
Right on
You say this wiz Kedian is one bad mutha --
Shut your mouth!
But I'm talkin' about Kedian!
Then we can dig it!
He's a complicated man
but no one understands him .... but his priestess servants when they aren't chanting to elder gods and sacrificing small animals to awaken slumbering Aosdic tentacle monsters!

Kedian Ta'Null!

Okay, so the last verse needs work, granted.